No. 52 / 2004

This is how we 'kick off' the month of SHOCKtober!  I'll keep it short and sweet.  I'm still struggling through my situation yet, selling my mother's home.  It looks now like the deal will close on the 30th of September.  I can only hope it goes well.  I've been experiencing a lot of waste lately and it's a shame but hopefully in the long run I'll find something good out of it coming from this trauma I've experienced with the not-so-peaceful death of my Mother and the court case I've had to defend myself in.  I only talk about it because I know what being paralyzed by anxiety now feels like.   My message to those also struggling is to hold on or, as I saw on a sign today, "Keep Calm and Carry On".

It's a good month to practice this as this is our favorite one of the year, October.  It's a time to honor the dead and the loved ones we lost.  We lost, however, only in a physical way.  As I posted on Facebook recently:  "I've been trying to be more in touch with my spirituality to help get me through these tough times, like wishing for some kind of a sign from my Mom and Dad (who are both now gone) and this morning before awakening, I dreamt I literally saw a sign which had written on it, "Your parents are thinking of you.'"

No matter where that came from or how it could be 'written off' as insignificant, I am not concerned.  After feeling a bit cut off from my parents lately, I finally felt I was back on track and re-connecting with them.

I'll return before that wonderful holiday, Halloween, with the next post and an update on where the heck I will be at that point.  Until then, let the Autumnal Season commence!